Tying Strings

Little Man and IThe relationships we have with our children will not always run smoothly. There will be times they need training and discipline. There will be times we provoke them or hurt them, even if it is unintentional. While it would be easy to say, “that’s part of life, they’ll get over it”, and move right along; it is crucially important we don’t.

There is a strong tie between a child and their parent; a bond that is more than just blood. When our relationships are injured and strained, we need to draw them back in and retie those strings.

How do we retie those strings once they have been pulled or cut? Here are some great suggestions that have been given to our family:

  • Smile often and express joy in your child.
  • Go out on a date and have a good time!
  • Enjoy their company. Pick a book, a movie, or something they like and enjoy it together.
  • Have a tickle war!
  • Go on an adventure; even a hike can be adventurous.
  • Make something together; it can be as simple as dinner or as complex as a treehouse.
  • Include them in your daily responsibilities. When children have an opportunity to help out, they feel loved, respected, and needed.
  • Hug often! Even big kids secretly like to be hugged; just grab them and let them know you are there.
  • Tell them you love them; sometimes we take this for granted, but kids need to hear the words.
  • Surprise them with “blessings”. Even something silly, like their favorite gum, can touch their hearts.

I am sure the list could go on and on, but it is definitely a starting point. As our children get older and as their personalities change, we will have to adapt the ideas; constantly growing along with our kids.Β Playing in the Rain

More often than I would like, I find myself in a position of needing to discipline my kids. While this is important and needs to be done, I also need to make sure that I retie those strings of our relationship; reaffirming my love and affection.

If I fail to retie those bonds, my children will find me to be a tyrant or a bully. They will turn away from me, refusing to hear my words and rebelling against our authority. If I fail to retie the strings of our relationship, my children will cut themselves loose and I would lose their hearts.

The relationship I have with my children is crucially important. I need to be constantly aware of the “ties that bind” and ensure that they are strong.

How do you “tie strings”?

16 thoughts on “Tying Strings

  1. My son and I just had a conversation about this last night. I asked him, “Is there anything mommy does that scares you?” His answer: “Sometimes when you get angry, I get scared.”

    I need to not only work on retying the strings, but also focus harder on keeping them knotted more strongly in the first place. I don’t want to be a tyrant/bully, and I don’t think my son is the kind of kid who needs or can handle heavier discipline (i.e. loud voices or angry faces).

    Thanks for giving me something to think about this weekend!


  2. I am constantly hugging and kissing my daughter, and telling her that I love her. I think that is really important. And if I feel like I raised my voice un-necessarily, I will tell her I am sorry. I’m sorry goes both ways. We teach our kids to say it, but we don’t always say it to them. My daughter and I read a lot of books together and watch TV/movies together. Today, we watched the Disney movie, Tangled, together with my mom and she loved it.


  3. “For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:10-11. Yes! πŸ™‚ Discipline must end with hugs, kisses, forgiveness, and “the PEACEFUL fruit of righteousness!” πŸ™‚ Couldn’t agree more. Tie those strings! πŸ™‚


  4. Thank you for taking the time to share how you handle this balancing act between the positive and not so fun sides of discipline.

    I try to compliment my daughter in front of others, so that she sees me saying good things about her. Also, when she has done something that we’ve been trying to teach her to do (act responsibly, exercise good judgment, etc), I try to tell her that I notice what he just did, and that I’m proud of her. I don’t do this every time, because I don’t want her to get in the habit of expecting recognition for doing the right thing, but I do it often enough to remind her that her actions are noticed. I do try to play some, too.


  5. What a wonderful post. I have done a lot of those things that you mentioned above when my kids were younger and still do for my three year old. My teenagers are thankfully happy for random hugs from me that they initiate. They are a little bit trickier to rebuild ties with. Sometimes it is as simple as giving them space.

    Just the other day I had to pick up my seventeen year old daughter from a party at 1:30 in the morning. I found out she had drank a couple alcoholic beverages and therefore thought that qualified her to stay the night at this place. Yes, boys were sleeping over too.

    She has been trying to exert her independence with a fierceness this past month. Being so close to independence she can taste it and reach for it. Well, she was embarrassed that I showed up at the party to pick her up and she wouldn’t talk to me. That was Friday night. I gave her space and this morning she said, “I love you mom.” Makes me smile. It is going to be okay although it isn’t going to be easy!


  6. Pingback: When Mommy Messes Up | A Homeschool Mom

  7. Pingback: Killing Joy | A Homeschool Mom

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