No Kiss Me, No Kiss Me!

T and Mommy

My oldest girl when she was just a few months old.

When I was a very little girl, it seems I had an extremely close relationship with my father. He would snatch me up, tickle me with his mustache, and try to give me kisses. In response, I would giggle endlessly and scream out, “No kiss me, no kiss me!” Little did I know that my father would walk out of my life when I was only four years old, never to kiss me again.

Growing up, my mother did her best to be affectionate with my brother and I. We held hands while walking, we hugged, and we would occasionally sleep all together in one bed. As we got older though, the affection seemed less and further between on all our parts. Life became busy and we focused on other things.

Through junior high and high school, I began to look for an outlet; a place where my desire for affection would be gratified. While I can say that I remained pure during all of my schooling, that doesn’t mean I was completely innocent.

I liked being around guys who were willing to pay attention to me. I looked for excuses to give hugs and be close to someone. I wanted to know that I truly mattered to someone, that I was worthy of their time and effort.

Little Man and Mommy

My son when he was about a year old.

Jump to now… I am still a very affectionate person (much to my husband’s delight). I love to be held, hugged, and touched. I have found a guy who loves to show me how much he cares and in turns loves for me to show him.

Now, how does this at all relate to my kids? Simply this… I have known a great deal of women (and men) who have lacked affection in their lives; either from their parents or their spouses! The interesting factor is that generally the lack of affection stems from one place; CHILDHOOD!

It caused my husband and I to think. Would our children go looking for affection, if our home was filled with it? Would they feel the need to date at such a young age, if they were constantly being hugged and kissed?

While my mother was very affectionate with us as children, we were not as affectionate as teenagers (which is not entirely my mother’s fault; we probably didn’t initiate either). Why is it we often forget that teenagers need hugs too? Why do we allow them to pull away from us, instead of pursuing our children’s hearts?

All the GirlsI want to be purposeful about gaining the affection of my children. So, while they are young, I snatch them up and cuddle them. I find ways to tickle them, kiss them, rub their arms, pat their heads, gently tug their braids, sit cheek to cheek, and other lovely things of that nature.

When my children get older, there may be boundaries that they decide to set in place (“No kissing me in front of my friends, mom!”), but that will not prevent me from purposefully seeking them out. Whether they deny it or not, I think they will love being held and hugged. I think they will enjoy being cuddled, tickled, and kissed.

I pray that my children would not just know that we love them, but feel our love. I pray that my children would not feel the desire (as I did) for outside affection, but that they would gain all they need from our home.

Yes, one day my children will desire a Godly husband or wife (and they should!), but prayerfully it will be because that is the direction the Lord is leading them. It won’t be for lack of love and affection. It won’t be because their lives were missing something. It won’t be the need for attention. It will be for all the right reasons; a desire to share their lives with someone else and create a family of their own. Playing at the Beach

It occurs to me, as I type, that my brother and I are now grown and gone from my mother’s house. I wonder if she ever feels lonely or lacks affection, living by herself. I need to be more purposeful in my love for my mother; hugging and kissing more often.

Perhaps this will teach my children to remain affectionate no matter their age. So that when they are grown and gone, they will still remember to come back and hug their dear, old mom and pop. Perhaps they will one day repeat my words, but with a different meaning, “No; kiss me. No; kiss me.

Are you purposeful in your affections towards your children? How so?

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11 thoughts on “No Kiss Me, No Kiss Me!

  1. While the willingness of your kids to hug and cuddle vary, they’re still pretty affectionate. Knowing I will get a good dose of it when I visit is always highly anticipated, too! As long as they keep seeing you two being affectionate and not hiding it from them, they’ll be okay with it. And since you homeschool, you’ll likely never hear “MOM! Not in front of the school where my friends can see!!” lol I think secretly, tho’, as much as they might fight it, teens really do still want and need hugs and tickles and cuddles.

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    • While that seems like a nice idea, they still might do that in front of their homeschool friends at park days and other such events. Here’s hoping!
      Frank and I do tend to be affectionate in front of the kids. Hopefully this will be an encouragement to them. While they make silly groaning noises or giggle, deep down I think they really appreciate it. Who doesn’t like to know that their parents still care about one another?

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  2. I believe you and your husband are doing it right. Showing affection with each other teaches your children how interact with a spouse. The affection displayed towards your children will provide them with the development to be affectionate in the future. All of this gives them compassion towards others as well. I can only hope my children will be lucky to meet and marry children raised such as yours are being raised.

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  3. You bring up an interesting point about seeking outside affection and the theory about putting off a need to date. My son is about the only child his age I know of that (even before homeschool) wasn’t all about needing a girlfriend/boyfriend. In fact, one of his teachers said he was (no offense) a bit clueless when it came to girls and that sort of thing (he was accused of looking up a girl’s skirt because she climbed onto the monkey bars while he was already there pretending to be a troll under a bridge).

    Our home is filled with affection between the three of us (my son, my husband, and myself). So there’s one case study toward your theory 😉

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  4. My husband and I had this same theory, about lots of loves and cuddles possibly helping a child not need to look for it else where. Our oldest daughter, 11, is now the height of a grown up and developing into a young woman. It would seem she is getting too old for hugs and cuddles and she was never very affectionate to start with. So we have purposely set out to up the affection. We have gone back to treating her as affectionately as when she was a toddler. We are holding her on our laps, tickling her, hugging her, and our favorite–both of us kissing her on each cheek like she’s a sandwich! It seemed a little unsettling at first to see Daddy kissing her (just on the cheek), and snuggling with her, but I REALLY do believe she needs it. And she stopped protesting our cuddles after about 2 weeks! What’s more it’s helped me see how much the other kids need our cuddles too…AND how much I do!

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