No Admittance

No AdmittanceSeveral years back, my husband voiced a concern regarding our children’s bedrooms. It seemed only fitting our girls should entertain only girls in their private space and the same with our son.

Trying to be the helpful wife I’m supposed to be, I immediately got on the bandwagon and encouraged this concept with our children.

While this might seem like a silly position to take a stand over, I think it has some very important underlying points.

Our children are being taught to guard themselves from impropriety. I want my daughters to understand it is improper for a young lady to entertain a young man without anyone else present or without proper guardians, the same goes for my son.

Our children are being made to understand the importance of not giving the appearance of evil (1 Thess. 5:22). They cannot be unjustly accused of wrong doing if they are not allowing a compromising situation to arise.

We introduced the idea of “No Admittance” when our children were very little, helping to make the transition easier. If they became familiar with the rules at a young age, there will be less debate over the issue as they mature.

While at first it was a challenge for them to remember, it quickly became a household fact. Our girls were free to have any visiting young ladies into their room, but if a boy was over the playing stayed in the family room. If an object needed to be retrieved, only our children were allowed to obtain it.

As our son grows, he too is being encouraged to follow the same rules. He has his guy friends play in his room, but young ladies are not allowed to be in his room with them.

Visiting friends are made aware of the concept and reassured this is for their children’s safety, as much as our own. Just as I do not wish to put my children in a compromising situation, I do not wish their child to be a party to any wrongdoing.

Our children are still young, but instituting a “No Admittance” policy at a young age will hopefully teach our children a few important life lessons and prevent indiscretions.

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15 thoughts on “No Admittance

  1. A very sensible house rule, We do allow our kids to wander around the house freely (we have only 2 boys) but my nieces when they are over are allowed to go in the boys room but getting changed etc is for the bathroom they are taught about respecting their privacy and what is and isnt acceptable. But as for friends I agree totally that they will not be allowed to spend time in their bedroom that will only take place in out front room x

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    • Having three girls and a boy does change things up a little. We have to make sure doors get closed when changing and things like that.
      Having the only kids on either side means we don’t have cousins to invite over, but having friends is fun. We just need to ensure the rules are adhered to.

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  2. I LOVE this! That said, I’m not sure we’ll do the same… See, our house is tiny. The kids share one room (boy & girl) and it’s door is visible both from our bedroom and from the kitchen (which is truly the heart of our home). But if nothing else, we’ll implement an doors-open policy! Same sort of reasoning: let nothing be done that even gives the appearance of evil.

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    • Things worked a little differently in my mother’s home and were just fine. For quite a while my brother and I shared a room, changing in the bathroom.
      I am sure if we are diligent in training our children and discipling them, things will work out no matter the living situation.

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  3. Our boys also share a room and we have implemented a “doors always open” rule. We are lucky in the sense that our friends feel the same and have implemented the same rule in their respective houses, and they also teach their girls that they get dresses in the bathroom if visiting our house, and vice versa when we are there. When the kids are older I can’t see that they would have any reason to be alone in a bedroom, as all school or play activities are housed in open rooms. If they need privacy to do work, etc. there are tabled areas in the garden, on the stoep, etc. where they are in the open, and their actions cannot be misconstrued.

    By-the-by, according to the news, it isn’t just girl-boy situations you should be weary of…

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    • Hmmm… that is an interesting point, excepting that in a Christian home one expects a boy/girl attraction and not the other.

      I suppose the reason I don’t have an “open door” policy is due to the layout of our home. Our children’s rooms are situated in such a way that, even if we let them keep their doors open, there is too much privacy.

      However, the underlying point really isn’t the door or not the door, but teaching our children not be alone with someone of the opposite sex no matter their age. It just isn’t wise.

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      • I do agree, it isn’t the door open or closed but the way they behave.
        Christian home or not – Christian friends or not – you can never say how a child (or adult) will react. It is not just attraction that you have to be causcious about, but testing of new ideas that come out, etc. You have control over what and who your kids interact and have contact with – you do not have any control over what your friends allow in their house, or whom/what their children have contact with – even if you think you know them well.
        Friends of ours divorced, and while their boys lived with their mother in another town, they were apparently allowed the run of the house, tv, and friends. When their dad went to fetch them to come and stay with him permanently, all kinds of (not so) funny situations stuck their head out with the youngest. Because of our Christian and no nonsense point of view, my oldest acted against certain suggestions that were made and came to tell me immediately. I could talk to them calmly and explain things that this 6 year old didn’t know anything about. I am fortunate that he now trusts me enough to talk to me about things he is unsure about.

        Point is, always keep an eye out, even in the younger years, and if you are serious about something like this, then keep all the possible situations in mind.

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  4. Interesting… I’m new to your blog, so may I ask what the age range is? I have two boys and two girls, but my oldest is only 6. We’ve started in the last couple years to change things with bath time, changing, etc. As far as friends go, I haven’t been concerned because they tend to run around like maniacs! We have an open-door policy but we’re more afraid of broken fingers from slamming the door shut over and over. :p
    Modesty is a kindness, to both ourselves and others, and goes far beyond how we dress. We’ve already talked to our 6 yr old (girl) and our 5 yr old (boy) about how some things are private, what to do if they ever feel someone is making them uncomfortable (even family). We don’t keep it general either; get specific and answer questions. But with my oldest turning 7 this year, I know the tougher questions are on the way!
    It is hard to keep things in a balance between fear on one end and recklessness on the other, but somewhere in between is a place for caution and equipping our children. Oh parenting, you are not for the faint of heart!

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    • Hello! My children range from 11 (almost 12) to 6 years old. Perhaps this is why such issues come to the forefront of my mind, as my eldest is hitting those years when certain topics are becoming of great importance.
      Thanks for stopping in and sharing! Parenting certainly isn’t for the weak!

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  5. my house is the same – impropriety in itself in any form is severely frowned upon and dealt with (which I’m sure you already know). I wouldn’t even dream of having anyone other than my brothers or parents in my room. In fact, exchanging email addresses with Olly back at the New Year’s gala is a big no no!

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  6. I agree 100 %. Many won’t agree with me, but we had extremely strict boundaries for the sexes. My son also had to be taught at a very young age that girls were different, softer, and physically weaker. It’s a good thing I did – because he is 6’5.5″ now.

    How can we expect our daughter’s to dress modestly out in public – if it is not observed in the home?

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  7. Good idea 🙂 Our house is a bit different. We only have one boy and he has the one room with toys. Our best friends have two kids, a boy and girl. So both kids are buddies with my son and fight for his attention. It is the same when we visit their house. We do however make constant checks on them. I’m sure things will change once they hit adolescence. I do like the open door idea just because when I was a little kid I was sexually abused by another girl (older than me). I was raised in a Godly home and this girl even went to church but apparently stuff happened to her behind closed doors and she took it out on me. I knew something was wrong because the door always had to be closed. I grew up in a small southern town and the parents were friends of the family. I didn’t tell my parents until I was an adult. They were really surprised. I so badly wanted to be accepted by this girl and I didn’t realize I was a victim until adulthood.

    Strangely I had several friends who were abused by peers too. These kids grew up with Veggie Tales and this happened! Sometimes kids experimented with things. It’s scary but everywhere we go we are blasted with sexual images even though we try to avoid it. I know that affects kids…it’s like mental molestation. Also their are perverts hiding in churches. It’s hard to know who to trust. There are few people I trust Michael alone too….even in my family. So I firmly suggest that whether the door is open/closed or only girls/boys that kids are checked on a lot. Playing “doctor” or “house” can turn bad believe it or not. And a firm talk of good touch bad touch is needed. Go beyond the norm though cause I heard that in school. Kids need to know that bad touching can happen even with clothes still on. Anywho, enough of a gut spill but I hope this helps other parents.

    God bless!

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