His Ways Are Not My Ways

His WaysSometimes this mommy can get a little confused. I’m the one who keeps the home, teaches the children, runs the errands, cooks the food, and more. With all of my responsibilities, on occasion, I fool myself into believing that my way is the only way. When my husband ventures to teach a home school lesson, asks for something to be handled differently, or questions how things are done, this mama needs to remember humility. His ways may not be my ways, but that doesn’t make them wrong.

God, in His goodness, gave each of us different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. He also gave each of us distinct roles to play. In a marriage, we are to use these to build our family. As a wife, I need to remember I am here to be his helpmeet, not the other way around.

My husband is definitely not going to do things the way I do. He is much more laid back. He likes to joke around, play games, blurs limits for bed time, and has a routine which is completely his own.

Sometimes, I can get uptight when things are not being done the way I envisioned. In those situations, the problem isn’t my husband, it’s me! I need to remember who the head of our house is and it isn’t this girl. I need to humbly accept that while I might, generally, keep our home, it’s his house too. Our kids aren’t my kids alone; he ought to be involved in their learning, their upbringing, and their activities.

Does this mean he never need listen to my opinion or hear my concerns? Of course not! A wise husband will want to hear what his wife has to say. However, a wise wife will also understand that just because her husband hears her out, doesn’t mean he is necessarily going to do what she asks. She needs to accept this with humility and acknowledge he is doing his best to lead their family.

While our way of handling things doesn’t always align, it is important to remember that these differences are also what make us stronger. My husband is gracious, where I am strict; he blurs time limits, while I keep us on track; and the list could go on forever. There is a time and a place for both!! There are times when my kids need my husband to walk in the room and completely mess up fix our lesson with a few jokes, just as much as they need someone to make them go to bed on time. There are times my ways are going to win out and times when mommy steps aside, letting the man lead as he so desires.

The key is to remember that ultimately I am not in charge here; God comes first and then my husband. So, if my guy wants us to stop in the middle of a lesson and run off to Disneyland; guess what we do? When my man thinks I should be teaching a certain way; guess what we do? If my husband thinks the floor could use one more going over; yup, you guessed it!

Some might say this behavior resembles a certain mat we wipe our feet on, but this is not so. I do not do these things because of my husband, though I love him dearly. I submit because I want to please God and I know He is pleased when I humbly accept my husband’s wishes. On the flip side, I know my husband loves to be good to me. I trust that  he would never purposefully do something to hurt me, humiliate me, or bring our family harm. So, when he wants something done or does things differently than I do, there must be a good reason; even if that reason is just to have a little bit of fun.

Yup; on occasion this mommy needs to remind herself that she is not the boss. God is ultimately in control of our home and family. I trust that He will direct my husband and use my guy’s unique gifts to lead our family in His own way.

Is following your husband’s lead sometimes a struggle?

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” – Ephesians 5:22-24


10 thoughts on “His Ways Are Not My Ways

  1. What a refreshing post! So glad to read that someone else feels the same as I do about this issue!!!

    The other way I try to think of things when it comes to husband doing things differently with the kiddo than I would, is someday kiddo will be out in the world and may have to do things according to a boss, project leader, or God may call him to do something differently from how we taught him. It is good practice for kiddo to do things according to a different point of view.


  2. Oh, we are so much alike! I can be a bit of a control-freak also. While I can be hard on myself about it, I also remind myself that this routine is key when you have as many kids as I do. Our life would be chaos without it!


  3. Wow. I have been ruminating on this very idea now for a little while. I was even praying about this just a few minutes before finding it in my inbox. This is an incredibly difficult issue for me, and I am beginning to come to the understanding that maybe that is why it is so important that I address it. I was raised by strong women and have been a leader all my life. A passionate and powerful leader. Choosing to submit to my husband, simply because he is my husband is a major sticking point in my thinking. However, I am re-starting my walk with God and working diligently to know Jesus and this subject keeps popping up left and right. I am encouraged by Paul’s words on a wife’s submission being a ministry to an unbelieving husband and know that I can do this, with the help of the Lord.


  4. It is this exact behavior that makes me want to spoil my wife at every waking moment. I see other relationships where the wife demands things from the husband because she “deserves” them and they are constantly battling for who deserves what (things, scheduling, respect, etc.) based on modern society’s views on gender roles.

    The way my wife conducts herself and the respect she shows me only increases my desire to giver her the best that I can in all areas of life all of the time.

    It’s funny, the longer we’re married she gets “her way” much more now than when we used to argue about it in the early years of the marriage- simply because she shows me such respect, I want to always put a smile on her face.

    I love her so stinkin’ much. =) Thanks for a great post and a great reminder of how blessed I am!


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