Marriage can be a bit tricky. While we are one with our spouses, it is just as important to realize that our spouses are not our everything. If we are looking for the other person to make us happy or to “complete us”, we’re bound to be disappointed.
I love my husband, truly I do. However, I am setting us both up for failure if I expect him to complete every aspect of my life. It is not his job to “fill the whole in the middle of my heart”. Wow! That would be a daunting task for anyone, wouldn’t it? My poor man would need to spend large chunks of everyday simply trying to figure out what I need, then he would have to devote even more time to making it happen, only to figure out that he couldn’t possibly do it all anyway. It’s not that I’m a difficult girl, I’m pretty low maintenance (seriously, go ask!), but, if I’m going to be honest, there are some issues only God can work out.
It is not my kids who are supposed to complete me either. I have heard many a young, frankly naive, young lady who thinks having children is going to fulfill her life and offer up someone to love her completely. Wow! No child should have to live with that burden. What will she do when her child acts out or doesn’t live up to her expectations?
Sure, you might not rely on people to make you feel complete, but what about that fancy career? What would your life mean, if somehow you lost that important position and were now in limbo?
Here is a tough one for me…. Does my role as a homeschool mom “complete” me? (Ouch!) If somehow I could no longer homeschool, would I feel like less of a person or insignificant in life? How much of myself is wrapped up in what I do and not in my value as seen through God’s eyes?
Yes; we should want our spouses and our children to love us. Yes; in a sense, things may be fulfilling. However, there is a huge difference between finding something fulfilling and relying on that bond to complete us. The only relationship which should complete us, is the one we have with Christ. It is in Him and Him alone we should find our happiness and contentment.
As a friend once stated, “I am always going to disappoint you. I am always going to let you down. Don’t rely on me. Rely on God.” Now, that is one awesome statement.
What advice would you give to someone who is co-dependant?
“So you also are complete through your union with Christ,…” – Colossians 2:10
A Homeschool Mom 
Wonderful post… and this is why so many people are miserable, because they expect people (or things… home, vehicles, clothes, wealth) to fulfill them, to complete them.
People cannot, things cannot, money cannot. Only God can make us feel complete!
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So true. Great post! 🙂
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It’s all too easy to find our identity in our roles of mother, homeschooler, wife, etc. But only when we understand that it is in Christ alone that we are complete can we truly fulfill those roles. It then becomes His love, His strength, His ability that spills out on all those around us. Beautiful post!
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I only think of how many times I’VE let MYSELF down and failed myself, including loving myself!!!–and how can I expect any more of others–my kids, my friends, my spouse? But with God, oh the peace of faith.
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Very uplifting! In the past I’ve tried to stay busy with so many things to fulfill my life and would expect a lot from my poor husband, but I thank God that He gave me my epiphany moment, to realize that only Him in my heart would give me that sense of fulfillment. Thank you for this post! God bless you!
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Blessings to you as well!
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I always struggle with finding that fine line between codependency and the reality that we are supposed to be a mate/friend/ partner to our spouse…. so aren’t we supposed to need each other? aren’t’ we supposed to lean on one another for support and encouragement? Isn’t that what God intended…for us to help one another and for us not to be alone? But it’s hard to see where a natural need that God intended and codependency cross over… My dh and I have had counseling…. the counselor was always one to say we don’t NEED each other…. well, no….not for basic survival…but?? If we didn’t need each other at all what’s the point of marriage? I think the counselor went overboard…. but I do think there is a fine line…just hard to see sometimes.
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That’s a good point; you are correct! When we marry, we become one. In a larger sense, we do need each other. But, as you stated, there is a fine line we need to watch out for. If my happiness becomes wrapped up in how that person behaves or provides, then I need to do a little soul searching. There is nothing wrong with needing others or finding happiness with them, but our sole purpose for living should not be that other person; it should be Christ.
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Absolutely… I just think our counselor missed that point of becoming joined together in Christ and overplayed the codependent card.
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