People want to be loved, people need to be loved. I understand this concept, really I do. Hey, I want to be loved, too. Who doesn’t? But having children just so you can feel the love of another person is not a good idea.
My heart hurt when I heard this young lady tell me her desire to have children stemmed from a desire to have someone in this world who truly loved her. What must it be like to feel that alone and undesired?
I wish raising kids was all about love, but unfortunately it’s not. It would be so easy if all we had to do was love on them and they needed to love on us; life would be simple and sweet. However, that is not reality. Children do need love. They also need discipline, training, an education, and so much more.
If we are expecting our children to fill a void in our lives, we are putting an enormous amount of pressure on them and setting ourselves up for failure. No one human should be responsible for our feeling loved. No child should have that much hanging over them.
Does this mean we do not love our children? Of course not! However, having children out of love and having children to be loved are entirely different things. One should never confuse the two.
Being a parent is a huge job; one which should not be taken lightly. It is an incredible blessing which comes with enormous responsibility. Love is at the heart of all we do, but it is not the end of parenting.
Time to Chime In: What advice would you have given this young lady?
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” – Psalm 127:3-5