My Kids Are Mad at Me

My Kids Are Mad at MeI like being liked, doesn’t everyone? The people I want to like me most are my family. So when my kids are having an off day and decide I’m a convenient target, an entire slew of emotions come into play. How did we get here, and why are my kids mad at me?

Just like us, kids have hard days. It can be all too easy to take on personal guilt when these feelings in them bother us. There is a series of emotions and steps my mind seems to run through every time this happens. Perhaps some of these resonate with you, too?

Getting Over the Hurt – My heart is immediately saddened. The kids are mad because I’m parenting them? My mind can’t seem to compute how they could be upset when I want them to brush their teeth, make their beds, study their schoolwork… The hurt turns to a moment of guilt, wondering if I’m asking too much or doing something wrong.

Seeing Past the Red – Then the hurt turns to anger. I know I’m doing my job and they are making it hard; very hard. My pride kicks in, hating the disrespect being shown and the sharp replies I am receiving when I’m doing my best to remain calm and collected.

Learning to Pray – It’s in the midst of the anger, however, I am filled with the overwhelming need to pray. I don’t want to speak out in anger – while it might be righteous indignation, my reaction affects everything – hurting my children and doing further damage. I’m learning to ask the Lord to speak to their hearts, softening them to His will and obedience. I seek His will in my response and calmness for my heart.

Extending Understanding – While my children shouldn’t have acted out, and consequences will need to be given, the Lord is helping me see through my children’s eyes. Perhaps they have had a busy morning and feel overwhelmed. Maybe they were already frustrated and I’ve unintentionally poked at them. Their actions are not justified, but it’s good to know why this happened so we can move forward and work on removing this barrier in the future.

Holding Firm – Once my children have calmed down, they inevitably feel sorry for their actions. It might take a while, but it always comes around. It would be all too easy to write off their consequences and call it a day; everything is good now. That would be a mistake on my part. While I appreciate their repentance, my children also need to learn justice. It hurts to follow through, but it is necessary and important.

Tying Strings – We could leave it at repentance – it’s not a bad place to stop – but I want more. I need to rebuild the relationship which might be torn or bruised. A hug might be the answer, working together on a project, reading a story, watching a movie, talking during a walk, and more. At times this is harder than others, but worth the effort.

More than being liked, I want to be righteous. This means I need to set a good example for my children in moments of hurt and anger. It also means I need to stand firm in building their character.

When my children are mad, I need to remove myself from the picture, take a step back, evaluate what is going on beneath the surface, and ask the Lord for wisdom. This is not a personal affront, but a personal attack upon my child. The question is will I help or cause more hurt?

“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.”
~ Psalm 103:13

Your Turn!: What is your favorite way to “tie strings” with your children?

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12 thoughts on “My Kids Are Mad at Me

  1. Wow. The timing of this post! One child was very mad at me last night. She was so worked up that getting to the root of the problem was difficult. Eventually I learned that she was scared. Letting her sleep on the floor in my room for the night was a way to tie up the strings. Praying the Father speaks to her heart today.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this! I wish I’d had it fourteen years ago. Not that I did a terrible job without it, but there were times that it would have been good to read to help my perspective. I’m going to share with others.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love your blog. If only I had come to your wisdom earlier! A hint about your kids being mad at you. Sometimes they will find they can manipulate you by making you feel guilty. It is a dominance thing often done by bossy men and passive aggressive people. Don’t feed it. I love “A House United: Teaching Self-Government”. Nicholeen has a great set of videos and a website. I hope this really helps someone. I came to it too late.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What a wonderful read!
    “Calm and collected?” Wow! Sister, I want to be like you when I grow up. I confess I struggle with at one.
    I am learning that though I am the authority parent with the authority and awesome responsibility to instruct, correct and train, it matters how I throw my weight around. It matters the way I say it – whatever that it is.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow! So then I’m not the only one ?! I was beginning to think that I was a horrible mom. That I was the only one who’s kid got angry with them just for doing what a mom should be doing. This was a great post, and very inspiring!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I absolutely love your constant reminders to turn to God in prayer. I hate to admit it but my anger and pride tend to get the best of me when my children act up. I am striving to get better at turning to Him in those moments. Spending one on one time with the kiddo that had gotten angry is the best way to tie strings in our home. It can be as quick as coloring a picture with them or sitting down and see what they created in Minecraft.

    Liked by 1 person

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