Do My Children Struggle with Confidence?


Of all the subjects taught in public school, self-confidence seems to the most valued lesson. Our children need to learn to take pride in themselves! Our girls need to have self-assurance! Ironically, the lessons aren’t accomplishing quite what the schools had in mind.

It has been mentioned, once or twice, that my children do not lack in self-confidence. I have even been asked what I have done to instill this in them. Honestly, the observation took me by surprise. I never set out to teach them self-confidence; it just wasn’t on my top list of priorities.

If my children are confident, where does it come from? Let’s give that a little thought…

I think our children learn confidence from us. When we exhibit poise, our children see this and model their lives in the same pattern. Here is where we need to be careful. It can be all too easy to have confidence in the wrong things.

I do not wish to have foolish confidence, assured of things which have no value. I should also avoid over confidence, believing myself to be worthy of so much more. Instead, I wish to have confidence in Christ and the wisdom He has given. What I know, what I am capable of doing, and the assurance to proceed with decisions should all come from a solid understanding built on Christ; not of my own worth. This isn’t about me, but how much He can do through me.

When our children see our confidence in Christ and His ability to work through us, they too will develop their own sense of assurance. Their courage will come from Him with an understanding that He will see them through no matter what.

If we truly wish our children to exhibit confidence, let it be done in the right manner. Let us model a solid faith in our Lord and all that He can do through a willing servant. When they see the results, they too will become bold for Christ.

“For the LORD will be your confidence And will keep your foot from being caught.”

~ Proverbs 3:26

We’d love to know… What has God been teaching you in your parenting journey lately?

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So, What; I’m Still a Rockstar!

In our current society, we are training our children to believe that the person up front is the one we all want to be. We want to be the rock star, the movie star, or the ‘next big thing’. We long for people to scream our names in large crowds, applaud our entrances into rooms, and cry at just the thought of shaking our hands. At some point, however, we must realize that everyone cannot be a rock star!

Let’s face it; some people just seem to be born for the spotlight. Their personalities shine, their charm is attractive, and they are good at keeping people entertained. Without even trying, some people just naturally lead others and have dedicated groupies who will follow them anywhere.

Unfortunately, our children are growing up in a society which teaches them that everyone can become a rock star. With just a little work, some experience, and the right YouTube videos, you too can become ‘the next big thing’. Our kiddos are being taught that the person up front is the one that matters and that is who they need to become. It doesn’t matter how other people view their talent or whether or not they have talent at all. Our children need to find something which sets them apart and push themselves into the limelight. No matter the criticism, you are a rock star and you are going places!

I find this trend very problematic. There is great danger in worshipping the rock star and focusing all our attentions on being in the limelight.

Rock On

First off, this premise assumes the person up front is the entire package; the only one that matters. How often do we stop to think about all of the people standing behind that one person who help to make them great? Why aren’t they applauded for the performance and the hard work? The person up front is just that, the person up front. They are not entirely responsible for who they are or what they have become. It is a mistake to honor only the person behind the mic.

Secondly, it encourages our children to dismiss those who aren’t leading as less than important and not a role model to emulate. Why should we be content being in the background, when we could be up front? (Seems to be the mentality behind this model.)

Third, how discouraging this must be for all those taught they could and should be a rock star who end up only handing out tickets to performances. I imagine a great sense of failure must fill their hearts and thoughts. If only they had tried harder, that could have been them standing on the stage. If only they had done more or been more; somehow the problem lies with them. You might also get the opposite spectrum, “I AM a rock star! Just because the rest of the world fails to see my awesomeness, doesn’t make me less of a star.” Ouch! How obnoxious is the person who believes themselves to be under appreciated and undervalued due to other people’s faults.

Whatever happened to simply training our children to be the best they can be. There ought not to be a comparison against anyone else. There should be no push for all children to be leaders of the pack. Instead of encouraging all children to shine in the spotlight, let us train our children to shape their own place in the world and to be the best, no matter who is watching.

Everything our children do, should be to the glory of God; not man. It doesn’t matter if no one sees their actions, if they never receive recognition for what they do; the Lord sees and acknowledges their efforts.

Just remember, behind every good rock star, is hundreds of people helping to make them what they are. Each person is essential and important. So, what; you’re not the person out front. That doesn’t mean you don’t count and that you aren’t making a difference. No matter where you find yourself, embrace your gift and your role. Not everyone can be the star, but that doesn’t mean you don’t shine.

“For the earth will be filled With the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, As the waters cover the sea.” – Habakkuk 2:14