If you’ve visited us in the past, you know we normally don’t discuss the topic of marriage on A Homeschool Mom. Before you start thinking this is because we’ve got it all down, let us remove that barrier here and now. Marriage is a crazy ball of fun we’re still working hard at. But, every once in a while, it’s helpful and edifying to focus on keeping our relationship standing amidst the adventure called life and homeschooling.
Let’s face it. We have a lot on our plates. We homeschool. We parent. We clean house, cook meals, run errands, serve in ministry, and so much more. All on a daily basis. With all the busy-ness which consumes our lives, we can often overlook our marriage to a point we are stretched thin. There are days my perspective can become skewed and I start wondering if I am getting as much out of this gig as I am giving. The Lord gently reminds me of the purpose of our marriage and asks me to focus on these two things:
My Spouse is a Child of God – This man I am blessed to do life with is not just my husband, but a child of God. What an amazing perspective! Often, I can forget this factor out of familiarity and this is dangerous. My constant prayer is that the Lord would help me to see my husband as He sees him. The man is not perfect, but he is being perfected by our Heavenly Father. He is being made righteous. He is covered by God’s grace and forgiven. He is first and foremost my brother in Christ. Wow! When I put my earthly perspective aside and get a glimpse of what God sees, I am humbled beyond belief and beg forgiveness. The man God has blessed me with is a good man; so much more than I deserve. He is also much more than mine, He is God’s. What will I do with what God has given?
Marriage is not an Ice Cream Bar… The Theory of 50/50 – I’m sure we’ve all heard this expression. We bring our portion to the marriage, fully expecting the other person to bring theirs. Together, we function at 100% and everything works well… You have to love God’s math. He asks us to bring everything and lay it at His feet. If I walk into this relationship only expecting to do half, and even then only giving when the other person fulfills their role, I’m missing the bigger picture.
From a human standpoint this doesn’t seem fair. We fear being taken advantage of; maybe not getting what we think we need in return. The Lord takes hold of my heart and reminds me of something important. I’m not doing this for my husband. I’m doing this for the glory of God. In a greater sense, I am not even giving my husband 100% – although he might certainly benefit – I am giving 100% to God. I cannot tell God I was only willing to give half when He was willing to give all.
It is also important to point out my perspective could be the one out of focus. Perhaps my spouse is giving 100%, all they have, but right now “all they have” is fragile and they need prayer or assistance. Maybe I am asking something unreasonable and need a heart check. We all have moments when we are weak. Am I helping or hurting?
While another child of God might not be able to litter our floors with socks or leave a sink full of dishes, these principles still apply. I am to love as Christ loves. I am to serve as Christ leads; wholeheartedly. By renewing my perspective and giving my all to God, the Lord is able to strengthen our marriage and this will overflow into the rest of our life.
Our marriage matters! Before our learning year gets much further and our calendar fills to capacity, it’s vital we take a moment to be sure our marriage is where God wants it to be. This is the perfect time to ask one another big questions, be sure we’re on the same page, and pray over our relationship. If we skip this step in all our homeschooling/life planning, we put everything else at risk.
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Your Turn!: How often do you and your spouse go on dates? Who tends to plan them?